


The One With Lily's Sarcasm

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-26
Updated: 2007-02-26
Packaged: 2019-01-19 11:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12409572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Lily Evans finds balance for once in her life. Through a whirlwind of sarcasm, and not too mention pretty random thoughts, go inside the mind of Lily Evans. See her view on this green and blue planet that she sees as yellow, tan, black, and....purple?





	The One With Lily's Sarcasm

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

A/N: Howdy! Well, I've already posted what I have written of this story on fanfiction and hpff, but I thought I'd spread the love. Psh...riiight. So, onward.

The world is out to get me.  
It basically wants me to fail at life, while everyone else laughs. Why does everyone love to laugh at me? Oh, woe is me. At this current moment I'm sulking about how much this bloody planet hates me.  
I'm not kidding.  
Fifth year only just ended, and I'm so bored I can't move. Literally.  
I can hear their ridiculing snickers when I walk in a crowd. I can hear their taunts of how I look like a dying cow lying on the side of a gravel road.  
Okay, so maybe no one actually calls me that or snickers, except the Slytherins of course. They'd love to see me at my worst, so they try to upset me.  
It works. Sniffle.  
I have a horrible temper. My kindergarten teacher once described my temper as a menacing, deathly volcano (which I think she got from my red hair...I always thought it looked like a big carrot) that is out to ruin her. She also added some other colorful words, which my innocent little five-year old eyes would have widened at had I not already heard them from my own bloody hag of a mother.  
Oh well, I guess I don't blame my teacher for getting mad at me, but I didn't expect to have to change schools because of it. Yeah, so I beat the crap out of a boy in third grade because he accidentally bumped into me and fell on top of me. I didn't know it was an accident, I thought he was attacking me. My overprotective dad taught me where to hit a boy when he tried anything. So, I ended up putting him in the hospital wing for a month. Oops.  
Okay, I'm getting way off the subject. You're probably wondering why I'm sulking. Well, at the current time I'm lying at the bottom of a staircase in my house's front parlor. I found out that falling down the steps is faster than walking. I should obviously get a Nobel Prize for that observation. If the Slytherins were here, they'd probably say I look like a dying cow.  
"Eww, you're such a freak."  
Never mind, who needs Slytherins when I have my lovely sister. Plus, I'd rather be a freak than a cow.  
"Thanks."  
I know, I have such a way with words. Give me a break; it's six bloody fifteen in the morning. I don't talk right, or walk right obviously, when the sun isn't even fully risen yet. It took me forever to process the fact that I was lying down instead of moving to the kitchen. Oh, wait, the pain is coming now. Ow.  
"I'm surprised, freak. You've managed to reach a new level of ugliness since last summer. I don't think I've seen anything more horrid in my life."  
What about your face? Ha! Take that, rat breath! Yea, I can't say that, mother will send me off to boot camp for acting so unladylike. Of course, Petunia has perfect etiquette. The word freak isn't rude at all. Note the sarcasm.  
I think I'll just ignore her. Right. Ok, Lily, don't say anything. Keep your mouth shut. Don't let her meaningless insult get to you, or your self-esteem. Yea, Lily! You got it, just ignore her till she leaves. Pay her no mind. Look away. Look away.  
"At least my face doesn't resemble a horse that got stung my a dozen bees and kicked in the face. Not to mention the fact that my shoulders aren't like to monstrous pyramids shooting out of my body at odd angles."  
Shoot. Flashing red lights! Run away, run away! Owww, never mind, I can't even sit up. Argh. Oh, she has really evil eyes. Now, they're not nearly as evil as Bellatrix Black, but definitely an accomplishment. It's true though, she has these horrible shoulders. I was also correct about her face resembling a horse. She looks a lot like great grandma Lydia. Or at least the pictures I've seen. Not pretty.  
"You just don't know when to shut up do you freak?" No, I do. "Just wait till mom finds out that you've been calling me names."  
Okay, I didn't call her any names. Yes, I described her not-so-compromising features, but no name-calling in there.  
Well, I'm finally standing again, that took long enough. I might as well follow Petunia to the kitchen. I swear I had the idea first. She must be psychic or something, knowing that I was coming in here. Maybe she wants to be friends again and is going to apologize for being such a rat of a sister. Then we can stay up all night and talk about boys, clothes, fo-  
"Mommy, Lily called me a whore."  
Oh, mother's in the kitchen. Never mind about the whole bonding thing, that's out the window.  
Wait, rewind. BLOODY HELL. When did I call her a whore? I mean, yea, she is one, but I don't recall calling her one.  
"Lillian Marie Anna Lynn Evans, when will you learn that you have no right to call your sister such discriminating names."  
Like you haven't used them before mother. By the way, my mother couldn't decide on one middle name, so she gave me three, while my first name is actually Lilyanna. Don't ask. That's just another reason of why I, Lily Evans, am an absolute loser. Or, as Petunia loves to call me, freak.  
"I'm terribly sorry mother, but I meant it in the nicest way possible. I mean, what is she supposed to do with all of those wankers, I mean handsome young gentlemen, flocking her? Not ignore them, of course."  
So it's not my best save ever. Please forgive me oh great one.  
Luckily my mother's beeper started buzzing at that exact moment. Coincidence, no. Miracle, yes. That beeper that I hated for the past sixteen years of my life has just saved me from a ten minute long lecture on being a disgrace to our family. I knew it wasn't a good for nothing, cheap, annoying, lowdown, nasty, spiteful, explosi-  
"Oh, I have to run girls. Business trip for the weekend. I'll be back Monday night."  
She's off getting laid by her boss. She'll be back Friday. Remind me why my dad is still with her?  
Oh yeah, he wants me to "grow up in a house full of love without the complications of divorce."  
Okay. Point number one, this house has no love considering my dad is never home. And number two, who says he has to divorce her? Just leave and take me with you.  
Well, I might as well spend the rest of this wonderful summer, which just started yesterday by the way, watching reruns and getting fat off doughnuts. Nah, that won't work. Doughnuts are overdone; I'll have to go with cookies. No, my lovely marshmallows will work just fine. Come to think of it, I'm not very hungry.  
Yea, this is the foreboding of a great summer.  
I, Lily Evans, sixteen year old, ragged excuse for a girl, am off to a great start at spending the next three months with my beloved family.  
I'd like to mention that sarcasm is a wonderful thing.

A/N: I'm not good at updating, so it'll be awhile. I figured I won't update the next chapter until I get some good/bad opinions of this story. After all, I'm not gonna continue if you all hate it! That wouldn't work out so well. 


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